Mark Baddeley’s Series on “New Atheism”

At the Matthias Media blog is well worth a read. It’s an eight (!!) part series of articles on New Atheism” (from Dawkins et al), explaining why he doesn’t think it’s particularly threatening in the long term, where its weaknesses are, who its prime targets are, and who does a better job of it than the atheist literati who spend too much time rolling their eyes at everyone who dares disagree with their hyper-empiricist worldview.

Here’s a quote from the first article:

I think the New Atheists are overrated. I find myself underwhelmed at their bus campaigns, their books, the way that journalists throw softball questions in response to their every problematic pronouncement, and their whole position. I have been scratching my head for years trying to work out where all the interest in them comes from, let alone why they are treated as some kind of serious attack on religion in general, let alone the Christian faith in particular.

Recently I discovered that I am not alone. Nathan Campbell on his blog discussed a particularly strong gaffe moment for Richard Dawkins, where Dawkins argued for deliberate discrimination against scientists with religious beliefs, and got taken to task by the commentators who would otherwise be thought to be natural allies. Before that Scott Stephens riffed on the ABC website on a theme covered several times in places like the First Things website—the lack of philosophical awareness and moral seriousness among the celebrity New Atheists. Overall, the movement looks more like a fad than a sober cultural movement.

Read the whole series starting here (all the installments are linked, handily, at the bottom of the first page).

How To Be Awesome, 3.2

Read on to discover how Anonymous Married Dude thinks men should pursue (some interesting stuff here for you fellas who’ve been turned down already!) and how ladies should respond.

How did you decide to ask girls out? Did you just see her and do that cartoon aaa-OOO-gah thing and go, “I need to ask her out like whoa”? Or was there more to it than that?

I didn’t have an MO. It depended on the situation. In one case, before coming to Sojourn, I liked a girl in my CG. I thought things could get weird in that situation, so I asked my CG leaders about it before pursuing the girl. In two other cases during my time at seminary, I became interested in and attracted to girls, and then after being around them in social situations a few times, I told them that I would like to get to know them better. That meant asking them out for a one-on-one event.

What’s the lamest response you’ve ever gotten from a girl you asked out? Best?

I haven’t got any “lame” responses from girls. I’ve had some painful and uncomfortable situations, but I know it’s tough for girls to reject a guy, so I don’t fault them for those painful times. Sometimes things in life just hurt.

What was your typical first-date strategy?

I’ve only dated two girls, and one of them is now my wife. Like I said above, I didn’t have an MO, I was just winging it.

What should a guy’s strategy be on the first date?

Talk! Don’t hog the time to sell yourself, but don’t be a bump on the log. Ask questions and be honest.

Awesomest DTR?

My awesomest DTR was with the woman who is now my wife. After we had hung out several times alone, I told her I wanted us to date exclusively with the intention of figuring out if we wanted to marry each other. Then I asked her if I could hold her hand. [Laura's note: awwwww!]

What do you think you did well when it comes to starting the relationship you’re in right now? What do you wish you’d done differently?

I was intentional and honest from the beginning about where I hoped the relationship would go. I hope it’s not arrogant or naive to say that I don’t wish I had done something differently at the beginning.

Advice to guys for getting over it when a girl turns him down or dumps him?

If a girl turns you down, either move on graciously or continue to pursue in a non-creepy way. In most cases, if a girl turns you down, she’s not going to start liking you at some point in the future, so move on. If you insist on continuing to try to win her over, don’t be a creep. Don’t tell her it’s God’s will for her to be with you, because your conviction is really just a feeling. Don’t ask her out every week. Take advantage of opportunities in group social settings to get to know her and talk to her about things other than your interest in her (she won’t forget that you told her you liked her).

Other general advice for dudes? [Laura's note: brace yourselves, because this is AWESOME.]

Realize that the dating arena is just as tough for girls as it is for you.

Don’t play games with girls.

With few exceptions, the lag time between your awareness of your own interest in or attraction to a girl, and the time you tell her about that interest should be as short as possible.

Take advantage of your singleness. The “gift of singleness” isn’t a curse that God imposes on you for life. It’s God’s good gift just like the gift of marriage. God’s good gifts have great blessings and they will also test you to make you more like Jesus. If you are single the question is, “Do I desire Jesus more than I desire a wife?” And as a married man, the question is still, “Do I desire Jesus more than I desire my wife?”

Advice for the ladies on how not to be unkind or otherwise awful when saying no thanks? Other general advice for ladies?

Be direct and to the point. “I’m not interested,” or “No, thanks,” will suffice. Perhaps you’re thinking, “I’m confused, maybe things could work out, if…” You don’t owe that detail to the guy. If you’re interested say, “Yes,” and if you aren’t or don’t know, say, “No, thanks.” I know that might seem abrupt and terse, but like I said above, some things just hurt. There’s no way around hurting a guy when you’re not interested. If you say things you think aren’t “hurtful,” you are giving him false hope, which hurts him.

Ladies, as Christian sisters, you owe a guy kindness and truth. You don’t owe him an explanation of your feelings, or the reasons why you’re not interested or attracted to him.

Give to the Winds Your Fears (God Will Lift Up Your Head)

Give to the winds thy fears;
hope and be undismayed.
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head.

Through waves and clouds and storms,
God gently clears the way;
wait thou God’s time; so shall this night
soon end in joyous day.

Leave to God’s sovereign sway
to choose and to command;
so shalt thou, wondering, own that way,
how wise, how strong this hand.

Let us in life, in death,
thy steadfast truth declare,
and publish with our latest breath
thy love and guardian care.

Paul Gerhardt, tr. by John Wesley

(And as a bonus, here’s Jars of Clay’s version from their outstanding “Redemption Songs” album.)

How To Be Awesome, 3.1

In this week’s installment, Anonymous Married Dude reflects on how he went from single to married and gives some amazingly good advice to unmarried Dudes everywhere. Read on and enjoy.

So, tell me about yourself, vaguely.

I was raised in a Christian home, but I was not born again until my adult years. I came to seminary single, and did not marry until after graduation. I was single until my 30s.

Current relationship status?

Married.

Dude, what’s UP with the Christian dating scene? Seriously. Diagnose.

I can’t speak much to our particular church’s dating scene, because my wife didn’t attend there until we became engaged. I can speak a little about the seminary dating scene, and yes, it’s a little weird. It seems to be one of two extremes. On one extreme is the hyper manly dude who vomits professions of undying love and concrete plans on a girl at the first meeting. He thinks it’s godly and manly to gush forth the plan of God for both their lives – of course, God neglected to tell the girl the plan. If the girl isn’t interested, then he thinks God calls him to be annoying until the girl gives in (this can happen, but it isn’t the norm).

The other extreme is the guy who thinks he has to be best friends with a girl before he can even ask her for coffee, as though, if it’s “God’s will” for them to be together, then that means he doesn’t have to stick his neck out.

What did you learn growing up about this nightmare that is Christian dating? Any particular influences? How have your views changed over time?

I learned that guys have to be honest, open, and intentional pursuers of woman. Pursuing a woman in this way makes good things happen during dating and it leads to the ability to look back on dating with no regrets.

The main ways my views have changed are in the area of “the gift of singleness.” It is not a special curse. It is not a gift in the sense that God gives you special powers to not want sex or not want to be married. It is a gift in the sense that every area and season of your life is a good thing that God can use for his glory. All good gifts are from God.

How many girls do you think you’ve asked out in your life? Estimate.

Four.

Do you think guys can be something besides the stereotypical alpha male, and still be successful?

Guys don’t have to be a stereotypical alpha male, but they do have to man up. They have to risk something in pursuing a woman. Risking and pursuing means something different for every couple. But at some level, be it public embarrassment or merely private “rejection,” a guy needs to risk rejection and pursue a woman. I think ladies are gracious in this area. Most of them appreciate how hard it can be for guys to make a move. A guy may just stumble into a marriage without pursuing the lady, but I think in hindsight, both of them will regret the absence of risk and pursuit.

What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome in the dating arena?

The biggest obstacle I had to overcome in dating was putting too much of my heart into a hoped for relationship before the lady was interested. In other words, I dreamed up big plans before a girl even liked me. I made big plans before I told them of my interest, and even after they turned me down, I kept hoping for something that was never to be.

What was your biggest advantage in this area?

The dating arena is now in my rear-view mirror, but by God’s grace, I can look back and say that I didn’t play games with the ladies I pursued as a Christian, and I was honest with them about my intentions.

Tune in on Monday when Anonymous Married Dude tells us about the DTR he had with his wife and gives a bunch more stellar advice to men and women alike.

Eschatology (Gulp) Matters, Part Two

(Important side note before we get started: how you approach a couple of key passages tends to make a big difference in where you land. If you approach apocalyptic literature in the same way that you do a narrative passage — like narrative, but future tense — you’ll probably land in one of the first two views. If you approach it more like you would the Bible’s wisdom literature or even prophecy — filled with imagery and metaphorical language — you’re much more likely to end up in one of the latter two categories.)

OK, so let’s just do a quick overview of the four main views, in very broad strokes (and for all of these, I’m indebted to this site and particularly this one, which includes some outstanding simplified outlines of these views — if you’re a visual learner like me, you’ll want to click through to see them):

1. Dispensational pre-millennialism. This fairly recently-developed view is based on the idea that Daniel 9 and Revelation 20 are to be read as strictly chronological accounts of entirely future events. Things on Earth will grow increasingly dire, then God’s people will be raptured just before a time of great persecution when a human ruler, the Anti-Christ, will have control over the whole Earth. Jesus will return and reign from Jerusalem for a thousand chronological years, after which the Judgment will take place and all God’s people will be then taken together into glory. People who hold to this view tend to be very watchful for Christ’s imminent return as well as world events that line up with prophetic or apocalyptic passages of Scripture.

2. Historic pre-millennialism. While this view shares some of the chronology of the first view, it tends to see some of the events described in Revelation as unfolding in history, not necessarily in a way that obviously links them to the impending return of Christ. People who hold to this position believe that the return of Christ may be in the very-distant future, and hold that the millennium may or may not constitute one thousand actual years. It’s called “historic” because it has been held in some form since the late second and early third centuries, whereas the Dispensationalist version has only been around since the 19th century.

3. Post-millennialism. Post-millennialists believe that the millennium is best understood as a future period (not a literal thousand years, but a long time) of Christ’s special reign over the earth from heaven, marked by a steady increase of the influence of the Gospel until the entire world has been Christianized. When the whole earth is filled with the knowledge of God through Christ, Jesus will return in glory to judge and to bring all of God’s people into glory with him. This view particularly focuses on the prophecies given to Abraham about all nations being blessed through him, and the passages throughout the Old Testament that refer to the growing and spreading of the knowledge of the Lord in the last days. Daniel and Revelation are seen in light of their original audience (the Exiles and the first-century Christians, respectively), and most, if not all, of the events of the apocalyptic passages of Scripture are thought to have already taken place — i.e. that they are immediately applicable to their hearers and are meant to encourage us by extension, rather than give us a timeline of future events.

4. Amillennialism. Amillenialists believe that Christ ushered in the millennium at his ascension into Heaven, and that we are now living in it. They tend to focus on the tension in the New Testament between “the Kingdom is at hand/among you” and “now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face,” as well as the narrative of the constant expansion of the Gospel to all nations, beginning in Acts. They differ with Post-millennialists on the role of the Church in this “already/not yet” age: where Post-mills see a time when the Church is completely triumphant on Earth before the return of Christ, Amills believe that the Church will continue to be persecuted and suffer until Christ’s return, though there may be times of greater or lesser success as the Gospel continues to go forth to the nations.

Now. That’s a lot. I never realized that there were other views besides the first two until fairly recently, and though I don’t think the first two are untenable, per se, in studying the Scriptures I found myself leaning toward a pretty settled Amillennial position… though with occasional jaunts into Postmillennialism depending on how much Douglas Wilson I happen to be reading and how much the sun is shining and how well things tend to be going in my own life. Personally, I am automatically… not suspicious perhaps, but not really excited to latch onto any view on any Christian doctrine that 1800 years’ worth of really smart believers never thought of, but I don’t think this issue is important enough to argue about too much, so even if you’re firmly committed to the first view, that’s fine. Christians can know absolutely nothing about this issue except to say, “Yup, I believe Jesus is coming back,” and they will be A-OK, and they can disagree with each other about it without breaking fellowship. (I mean honestly, imagine Jesus standing in the room next to you right now: is he cool with you being cold or dismissive or, God forbid, divisive toward your brothers and sisters over the timing of his return? I’m guessing not.)

The bottom line with all this is, the passages of Scripture that talk about persecution or that address eschatology are almost always followed up with an exhortation to the reader to do a couple of things: 1) cling to Jesus, and 2) get off your toches and tell people about Jesus. So whether you think that the Bible teaches that Christ’s return is just around the corner or many thousands of years into the future, whether you see in its pages a literal and eventual thousand-year reign or a time we’re already in, your mission, Christian, is clear: teach your children, your neighbors, your friends, your family about the Gospel. Live it out in your relationships. Don’t spend your time searching charts or pooh-poohing them. Act like you really, truly have been radically transformed by a Victorious and Conquering King who will one day return, on whatever timeline the Father in his good wisdom chooses.

What I’m Reading Wednesday

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to this brief article by Douglas Wilson on the exceedingly-rare gift of celibacy (not the mythical “gift of singleness”). Best line: “If it needs to be supported by porn, it isn’t the gift of celibacy.” HA! In all seriousness, though, I do wish people would get that the gift of celibacy is rare, usually permanent, and always connected to a specific mission (i.e., you probably don’t have it).

This isn’t exactly something I’ve read this week, but… I guess a new pet peeve as of this week: the tendency, particularly among Christians (even really smart ones), to use the word “ruthless” when we mean “relentless” or “unwavering” or “steadfast” — as in God’s ruthless grace or So-and-so’s ruthless trust in God. Pro tip: “ruthless” means “without pity or compassion, merciless, cruel.”

I LOVED this article from Kevin DeYoung on the grace of assuming the best about people. If you don’t read ANY of the other articles in this week’s roundup, read this one.

A couple more good ones from my pastors. The Midtown campus of Sojourn, my dear church, has an art gallery, and here Daniel explains why (and why not), and here recaps our most recent medical clinic. And on his blog, Mike eloquently addresses the criticism of the practice of Ash Wednesday.

My kiddos have been reading some classic short stories as they write their own narratives in Composition (my one complaint about their Humanities curriculum is that it just doesn’t include enough poetry or short stories). A few must-reads: “The Yellow Wallpaper,” “The Lottery,” “The Cask of Amontillado,” and “To Build A Fire.”

I swiped this from my buddy B-Lilz: Bearded Gospel Men. Cracked me up. That Clement of Alexandria was adamant about beards, man, like whoa. (For the record: I am strongly in favor of the resurgence of full-beardedness — so freakin’ masculine! — but bros, if you can’t keep it neat, or if it’s patchy or otherwise skeevy, shave it off. Love ya.)

This article by Dr. Moore, on the true future hope of the Christian, is AMAZING and you should not only read it but pass it along to everyone you know.

On a less-serious note, this weekend was the Oscars, of course, and so there’s fashion stuff galore to wade through. For the first time, I found myself disagreeing with probably more than half of Heather and Jessica’s assessments on Oscar gowns! But this Slate slide show was pretty accurate, IMO. Oof, Glenn Close and Ellie Kemper. Amazing. In fact, i super-wish there’d been a photo of them together! (Although Gwyneth’s Norma-Desmond-esque caped getup is growing on me the more times I see photos of it — maybe it’s into “awesomely overdramatic” territory rather than “eye-rollingly overdramatic”?)

Back to serious: I came across this video again and thought it was worth posting here. It’s so good and deserves watching and rewatching. What if the Bible is basically about Jesus instead of us?

Eschatology (Gulp) Matters

This week, I talked with my students about eschatology. In case you’re not familiar with the term, it basically refers to one’s beliefs about how this ol’ world is going to be wrapped up, and what happens to people when they die. Does the world end with a bang? Or a whimper? Or something else?

I used to be one of those people who smartly called myself a “pan-millennialist.” It’s all going to pan out in the end, har har har. I didn’t really think much about it for most of my life, and if I did it was with a frisson of panic. I didn’t buy the whole pre-tribulation rapture thing (the idea that God’s going to snatch Christians up out of the world before things get too bad), so eschatology scared the bejeebers out of me because I figured that if I were around when Jesus came back, my life would have sucked real bad for a long time before that. It was not a happy place inside my head, so I just kind of pushed it to one side, comforted myself with the fact that I believed the Scriptures were true and God was kind, and forgot about it.

And then, a couple years ago, I had to teach about it. So I found a few good resources and some good visual aids and summaries of the four major Christian views, and I realized I already believed something about eschatology, and it wasn’t scary at all!

One of the things that came up in the course of my recent conversation with my students was that some of the views of “end times” (though I shudder to use that term) are very optimistic about the world here and now and where it’s headed, and others are very pessimistic. If you think the Scriptures teach that things are getting worse all the time, and that this world is going downhill and headed for destruction, but that believers are going to be zapped out before things get catastrophic and their souls rushed to an eternity-long worship service in heaven… OR if you think the Scriptures point to an age when the Gospel will go forth triumphantly into the nations, and the influence of Jesus’ kingdom will extend and extend and extend until the whole Earth is filled with the knowledge of God and then Jesus will return to judge the world and reign forever on an eternal throne in a renewed creation… how could that not influence your understanding of everything in this life?

So, what do you believe? Is your eschatology optimistic or pessimistic, and why? I’m putting together a quick overview of the four major Christian views, and I’ll tell you why I basically completely reject two of them and bounce indecisively back and forth between the other two.

Downton Abbey: Season Three Predictions, Wild Dreams, and Sundry Other Prognostications

Well, folks, what do we think about next season? I thought it would be fun to do a few polls, so please share this around on your favorite social media things (if you haven’t given it up for Lent!), so we can have plenty of opinions!

Let’s start at the beginning:

What about the general contents of the season?

What else? Other predictions in the comments, please!

First Sunday in Lent: Abide With Me

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail, and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me though I oft left Thee!
On to the close, Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

I fear no foe with Thee at hand to bless!
Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness:
Where is thy sting, Death? Where, Grave, thy victory?
I triumph still; abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me.

Henry Lyte, alt. Justin Smith

How To Be Awesome, 2.2

In today’s installment, Anonymous Engaged Dude talks basketball, football, the DTR, and strategy.

When you were still single, how did you decide to ask a girl out? Did you just see her and do that cartoon aaa-OOO-gah thing and go, “I need to ask her out like whoa”? Or is there more to it than that?

It really was different, person to person. Usually, I pursued girls that I had gotten to know over time. A few times though, my careful game plans were scrapped in favor of an audible: BLITZ!

What’s the lamest response you’ve ever gotten from a girl you asked out?

“I’m not over a previous relationship.” If basketball has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing wrong with a rebound. Just take it to the basket!

Typical first-date strategy?

Food + outing with lots of conversation. Keep it fun, playful, and not too romantic.

Awesomest DTR? (Yes, I am aware that “awesomest” is not a word.)

The awesomest, of course, would be the one that led me to now. We met on a blind date, so we were doing the whole get to know you thing. But around date/hang-out three or four, things really started to click. We really liked each other! But, we had thought we should take twice as long to define things. I met her at a coffee shop and said something to the effect of, “I know we said we would take longer to define this, but we’re pretty much already dating.” So we just made it official.

What do you think you did well when it comes to starting the relationship you’re in right now? What do you wish you’d done differently? Tell a little of the story, if you like.

I asked my fiancée this question, as I felt her response would be the most accurate. In terms of what I did well, she appreciated my directness and sincerity. She felt safe with me and knew that I wasn’t just playing games. Regarding what should have been done differently, in the moment, things felt like they were moving a bit too fast — she doesn’t mind that now, though. However, we definitely took physical affection too fast. I held her hand before we had clearly defined things and we kissed way too soon. If I could do things over, I wouldn’t have kissed her until after engagement.

I’m thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness, not to mention her grace and forgiveness.

Advice for dudes when a girl turns him down or breaks up with him? Besides journaling and destroying a pint of rocky road while watching Fatal Attraction, obvi. Other general advice for dudes?

Seek out your bros.

God made us for community, and one of the reasons break-ups hurt is because of that separation from community. I advise both not taking things too seriously and seriously seeking the Lord. Remind yourself of who you are. You’re going to need brothers to preach the Gospel to you. Seek them out! But in terms of being turned down for a date or second date, just brush it off and move on!

Advice for the ladies on how not to be a b-word when saying no thanks? Other general advice for ladies?

The easiest way not to be a b-word is… not to be a b-word. Seriously. Just be respectful and honest. You don’t need to over-share or give a long detailed argument as to why you shouldn’t go out.

However, I would encourage sisters to give a brother a chance. Is he really so unpleasant that you wouldn’t eat a free meal with him? If so, don’t go out with him! If not, give it a shot. A mentor of mine once gave his rubric for dating: 1) Does he love Jesus? 2) Do you think he’s hot [Laura's note: or at least not not-hot]? If yes to both, go for it.

Biggest mistake you think people make in this area?

I think guys and girls are looking for more perfection in a potential mate than they would care to admit. You’re not going to find a perfect person, so stop trying.

Any final thoughts?

You’re going to marry a sinner/saint/sufferer. Don’t be afraid of hard conversations or difficult situations. Men: there are too many awesome godly women out there who are waiting to be pursued by a noble man. What are you waiting for? Women: he’s a sinner, and the only perfect leader is Christ. Give him a chance, but don’t forget, you’re under the authority of Christ, not a boyfriend.

Dear Person Who Searched for “Downton Abbey Torrent” and Landed on My Blog:

Season one is available (legally!) on Netflix Instant, and season two is available (again, legally!) at PBS.org. OR JUST BUY IT, YOU LAWBREAKING CHEAPSKATE. Thanks for reading this.

Stealing is bad,
Laura

How To Be Awesome 2.1

In these two installments, we’ll hear from Anonymous Engaged Dude who is psyched to be just weeks away from his wedding to a fantastic godly woman. Anonymous Engaged Dude has some great words of encouragement for ladies and gents alike. Read on:

So, tell me about yourself. VAGUELY.

I am a twentysomething dude who loves Jesus. Is that sufficient?

Current relationship status?

ENGAGED!!! Believe me, this is totes crazy.

So, Engaged Dude, what is UP with the Christian dating scene?

Wow. Where to begin? Ultimately, the problem is that I don’t think we’re applying the Gospel to this area. In singles, this can result in panic or fear (“Why am I not married?”). In marrieds, this can result in insensitive advice (“Just trust in the Lord”), or dismissing singles as being a lower class of Christian. Single people can live in the confidence that in Christ they are fully complete, fully fulfilled. The desires they have for marriage are good, designed by God! But unless they find their ultimate fulfillment in Christ, they won’t be able to find lasting blessing in a spouse.

This failure to apply the Gospel has resulted in several things. I think it results in men failing to love their sisters by pursuing them nobly and maturely. I think it results in an exaltation of “beauty” and “charm” over the fear of the Lord. I think it results in both legalism and license.

What did you learn growing up about this nightmare that is Christian dating? Any particular influences? How have your views changed over time?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye was a HUGE influence on me. A lasting effect of that was that I when I eventually gave dating a side-hug hello, I tended to make first/second dates a little too weirdly spiritual, a little too stressful. I feel like over time, my view on dating simplified. This isn’t to say that I devalued it, but that I rather revalued it for what it was.

How many girls do you think you’ve asked out in your life? Estimate, maybe not counting elementary school.

Somewhere around a dozen? That’s not counting college formals, though.

Speaking of smooth, do you think guys can be non-alpha-males and still be successful?

Each person’s personality is different. I think it’s crucial to be yourself, and for a lot of reasons at that. I think all women want to be praised and prized, but ultimately, you have to have substance to back the swagga. Guys should be charming, fun, and witty, but it needs to be genuine.

What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome in the dating arena?

Without a doubt, the biggest obstacle was my own ego and self-centeredness. I definitely struggled with worrying too much while being too early on in relationships. I over-invested a lot of worry and such. If I could go back and do it again, I would be less concerned about whether or not “things were going to work” and would just let them happen.

What’s your biggest advantage in this area?

Dogged determination? Yeah, I think the only thing that truly gave me a boost in finding my soon-to-be wife was that I knew that as a man, it was my job to pursue a wife, not just gripe and moan about it.

Come back tomorrow for part two, when Anonymous Engaged Dude will deploy even more sage counsel and rapier-like wit in his exploration of these dark and poorly-charted waters.

What I’m Reading Wednesday

Not a lot jumped out and grabbed me this week, to be honest, friends! BUT, very exciting news. TWO of my pastors started blogs this past week and have already posted heaps of useful stuff. Both blogs are just like their authors and you’ll definitely want to add them both to your readers. Check out Daniel’s here and Mike’s here.

Dr. Moore knocked a few out of the park this past week too. Read this one, an update of a previously-published article on repentance, Lent, and the “exciting testimony;” this one about gambling; and this one about stylistic preferences in church. Good stuff.

A few good ones on the Gospel Coalition Blog as well: ditching gimmicky youth ministry, the faith of Washington and Lincoln, and some of Luther’s less-recognized influence.

And of course, here’s this week’s TV Club recap of Downton Abbey!

Downton Abbey 2.CHRISTMAS EPISODE!

No, seriously, seriously go away right now if you’ve not seen the finale. Go!

Happy sigh, everyone. Happy sigh. And in keeping with that emotive beginning, let’s recap (organized according to the words and/or sounds my fellow-watchers and I most frequently interjected):

Awwwwwww! That sweet little brooch Mary gave Anna reminded me how much I’ve grown to love Mary. I mean, consider it: can you imagine the brittle, selfish heiress from season one, the girl who balked at the idea of going into mourning for her dead fiance, bidding Sir Richard farewell with genuine grace and goodwill after everything he’d done to her? Or instinctively offering a steadying hand to Anna in her moment of grief? Or opening her heart and her past to her father and Matthew? Or, frankly, thinking of anyone but herself? As much as I love a sassy girl, I hope this softer, kinder, more selfless Mary is here to stay.

Big “aww” when Sir Anthony Strallan came into the parlor for tea. Although, much as I love Sir Anthony, I do wish they wouldn’t keep sticking Edith with a string of men as interesting as dishrags and as attractive as landed trout. She is lovely, darn it! It’s only by comparison with the luminous Mary and the luscious Sybil that she looks plain, and it’s high time she had some beaux worthy of her in the looks department.

And speaking of Sybil, was anyone else a bit shocked that Lady G just came out and said “pregnant” rather than “expecting” or some other polite euphemism? Anyway, I can’t wait for next season when there’s a charming little Fenian toddling around in adorable period-appropriate sailor suits.

Dan Stevens (who plays Matthew) has been working overtime this season to make every woman in the English-speaking world fall in love with him. Those eyes, my gracious. And the way Matthew and Mary banter and flirt with each other is so companionable and charming, especially at the shoot when he tells her she must promise not to reveal his middle-class ineptitude with guns. The chemistry between those two says a lot about Michelle Dockery and Dan Stevens’s skill as actors — Matthew and Mary have gone from having as much spark as wet sawdust to their stolen glances being used as kindling for the Downton fires.

Probably the best “awww” of the night, though, was the scene in William’s father’s kitchen, Daisy looking awestruck and teary-eyed at the idea of being dear to someone. God love her. She’s got a mother-figure in Mrs. Patmore who, for all her bluster, is a big-hearted and wise woman, and it’s lovely to see her with a father-figure at long last. And she can finally come to terms with her marriage and her affection for William, thank God: “I were only ever special to William; I never thought of it like that.” *sniff, sniff*

Gasp! Y’ALL. Lady Grantham told Lord Grantham about Mr. Pamouk! SHE TOLD HIM ABOUT MR. PAMOUK! AND THEN LORD G TOLD MARY THAT HE KNEW! AND THEN MARY TOLD MATTHEW! What a wonderful few scenes, with everything I love and admire about Lord Grantham right at the forefront. He’s such a good man — a loving father, a protector, a man of ideals and humility, and incredibly smart. And the big revelation scene saw the return of the tough, canny, sensible Cora we loved from season one, in all her maternal glory, after turning momentarily into a snippy little baggage in the last couple of episodes. I think the scene where Lord G tells Mary to give Sir Richard the heave-ho might be my favorite scene from the series so far (topping last week’s favorite, Violet’s Little Chat with Matthew).

Also: FIGHT! Matthew finally socked Sir Richard right across his stupid jaw. Hallelujah.

(Also: Mrs. Hughes said a swear! In public!)

Hahahahaha! Basically all of Violet’s lines this week got a laugh. Spies? She’s a gem, and so wise with her advice to Daisy. She’s been quite the fixer the last few episodes. “I doubt we’ll meet again.” “Do you promise?” “Sorry about the vase.” “Oh, don’t be, don’t be; it was a wedding present from a frightful aunt. I have hated it for half a century.” Isobel got her fair share of sassy lines too — who better to give Matthew a much-needed telling-off for “invoking that poor dead girl’s name” and wallowing in his grief, martyr-like? And the ouija board scenes were a hoot, especially Mrs. Patmore’s transparent effort to ooga-booga Daisy into visiting William’s father.

Poor pathetic Thomas’s schemes were a source of laughter rather than anxiety — he’s almost become a parody of his former self. Seems he’s beginning to realize his own unimportance in the world, which is a good place to start for him! And the servants’ ball scene was hilarious as well.

[Edited for Language]! Sir Richard’s constant passive-aggressive (or just aggressive-aggressive) commentary about how no one appreciates him and everyone’s too easy on the servants and “Oh, suuuuure he’s innocent” and mocking The Game and slandering the poor late Lavinia and on and on just made me crazy. He has always reminded me of a spoiled overgrown child — capable of great charm, even kindness when it suits him, but equally capable of fearsome temper tantrums and ultimately utterly selfish. (Hm, you know, at the start of season one, Mary would have been his perfect match: selfish, thoughtless, superior, petulant…) Miss Shore would be a good match for him, that little social climber. Or even Rosamund herself.

I also rather wanted to take Bates’s defense attorney by the neck and throttle him for presenting such a pathetic case for his client. I’ve seen better defenses on Ally McBeal, and most of those involve hallucinations or musical numbers.

Noooooo! Bates in prison! Bates in leg irons! Bates in the dock! Bates being convicted! Bates getting a death sentence!

(Before we wrap up the wrap-up, just one extended parenthetical, to any ITV/PBS bigwigs who might be lurking about: please, for the love of everything that is good and right and holy, air season three simultaneously everywhere! Not just to satiate your multitudes of American and Australian watchers, but so you can actually make money from the show! In this day of squishy international copyright laws and ubiquitous torrent-ripoff sites, far, far too many people who wouldn’t otherwise have taken your property without paying for it did so, because of the absurdly long wait between the UK premiere and the others! For crying out loud, American fans could buy season two in bookstores before it showed for the first time on television. That’s just stupid. For the sake of your bottom line and your fans’ sanity, please, just air it at the same time in both places. Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.)

OH THANK GOD FINALLY YES. People, I don’t have a caps-lock capsy enough for the proposal scene. Three of the four of us watching may or may not have been crying, and clutching on each other’s hands, and covering our mouths, and whispering, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” under our breath. There’s our Mary, looking unbelievably beautiful in the snow, small-talking with her beloved, who says plaintively, eyes aglimmer, “Would you stay, if I asked you to?” They quickly address the problems of Mr. Pamuk and Lavinia, and then Matthew GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND ASKS MARY TO MARRY HIM AND SHE. SAYS. YES! And then they kiss and laugh and embrace and are as jubilant and relieved as they ought to be having fought through years of heartache and confusion to arrive at that triumphant moment, the last moment of this season of Downton Abbey.

And so on that happy note we bid adieu to our dear friends upstairs and down, until season three!

All I Have Is Christ

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way.
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave.
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will.
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still.

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross.
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace.

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me.
O Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose.
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You.

How to Be Awesome Interview 1.2

Read and learn as Anonymous Dude lets us in on the mysteries of a guy’s dating decision-making process, and throws down some advice for his bros.

How do you decide to ask a girl out? Do you just see her and do that cartoon Aaa-OOO-gah thing and go, “I need to ask her out like whoa”? Or is there more to it than that? Many girls think it’s “like whoa” and that’s it.

That’s probably 90% of it at first. I asked my girlfriend out two days after meeting her. We had only had a couple conversations, but I heard great things about her from friends I trusted, and she is ridiculously good looking, so I was thinking, “I need to ask this girl out before someone else does!”

The problem is, most guys want to know everything about a girl before asking her out. So they will facebook stalk her (which I think can be a good thing in a very limited way), hang around her in social situations, and basically do everything but ask her on a date.

What’s the lamest response you’ve ever gotten from a girl you asked out? Best?

“No.” That was lame.

Best? Probably from my girlfriend (yeah, I know, cheesy, sorry). I almost apologetically said, “This might be out of the blue, but can I take you out?” She smiled and said that would be great. That’s been the best so far.

Typical first-date strategy?

Ask her lots of general get-to-know-you-but-not-creep-you-out questions. Pay for everything. Tell bad jokes (i.e. cheesy, not offensive). Open doors. Chew with my mouth closed. Shower that day.

Toughest DTR? Awesomest DTR? (Yes, I am aware that “awesomest” is not a word.)

Toughest? Over the phone. That was dumb. Awesomest? Again, with my girlfriend. I told her after a few dates, “So, I just want to be clear, and I’m guessing you aren’t hanging out with other dudes like this, because I’m not hanging out with other girls like this?” She said, “Well, not on the same days.” Fortunately she was joking.

What do you think you did well when it comes to starting the relationship you’re in right now? What do you wish you’d done differently?

I was clear, very direct, and to the point, but not too weird and creepy. I think. I brought up early on what I wanted the relationship to look like. Basically, that it was for the purpose of moving toward making a decision about marriage. I also around that time clarified what was going to happen, and more importantly, not happen, physically in our relationship. That helped her a ton, because she didn’t have to wonder where things were going and what that would look like.

Although I’m happy with how things have gone and the pace it is going now, I wish I had slowed that down a bit early on. Not necessarily those conversations, but just overall time spent in the first month. We spent a lot of time together, which was great, but I think it might have been more wise to stretch that out a bit over time.

Advice for getting over it when a girl turns you down or dumps your sorry behind? Besides journaling and destroying a pint of rocky road while watching Fatal Attraction, obvi. Other general advice for dudes?

Beer. Go drink some good beer with some good friends that will speak truth to you in love.

Ask those dudes, honestly, if there is any major character or life issues you should work on, perhaps relating to why you got shot down. I’ve done this with some dudes that know me well and has been helpful in opening up honest conversation. That, and just talk with the Lord about it. Are you ticked off, confused, scared, whatever? Tell him about it. Ask him to change you and help you grow.

Then, good grief, man up and get over it. I get it. Your feelings are hurt. Your heart hurts. Ok. How would your WWII veteran grandpa handle this? Yeah, you’re right, he wouldn’t be pouting like a baby. Neither should you.

Advice for the ladies on how not to be a b-word when saying no thanks? Other general advice for ladies?

Affirm him for asking. Say you are flattered. Clearly state you would just like to be friends. Thank him. Shut up.

Biggest mistake you think people make in this area?

Dating in general? Not to over-spiritualize it, but they don’t focus on the gospel. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. It is a gospel image, just like we are images of God. Dating should take its shape from that as well. The gospel frees us to be selfless, not selfish. When a dude really believes the gospel, he will sacrifice for others. He will put the risk on himself and not the girl. He can handle rejection. He will ask himself, “How can I serve this person,” not, “How can they serve me?” I could go on and on. But I really think taking the gospel out of the center of dating just wrecks everything.

That was so awesome I want everyone to read it again.

Dating in general? Not to over-spiritualize it, but they don’t focus on the gospel. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. It is a gospel image, just like we are images of God. Dating should take its shape from that as well. The gospel frees us to be selfless, not selfish. When a dude really believes the gospel, he will sacrifice for others. He will put the risk on himself and not the girl. He can handle rejection. He will ask himself, “How can I serve this person,” not, “How can they serve me?” I could go on and on. But I really think taking the gospel out of the center of dating just wrecks everything.

Any final thoughts?

Dudes: get a real job, get in community, start serving in your church, and start asking godly women out. Stop making excuses and just start asking them out. If you do that in a clear, respectful way, you will gain a reputation of a legit dude. Trust me.

Ladies: give a guy a shot, at least once, if he asks you out. You don’t have to marry him. Don’t settle for passive, confusing guys. Tell them to grow up. Don’t read Jane Austen for your dream man. Read Cormac McCarthy and wake up about real life. Then read about Jesus and look for a dude that wants to be like him.

How To Be Awesome Interview 1.1

Today, our intrepid Anonymous Dude guides us through his murky past and shakes his head in dismay about the State of Things. Read and enjoy!

So, tell me about yourself. VAGUELY.

I am a man. A real man.

Current relationship status?

Going steady with a wonderful, godly woman.

Dude, what is UP with the Christian dating scene? Seriously. Diagnose.

Whenever you append “Christian” to anything, it’s guaranteed to make that thing a weird disaster. Christian music, Christian fiction, Christian movies. Same thing with Christian dating.

But, seriously, the problem is the men. You could have a ton of godly women, but if there are nothing but knucklehead guys, then all you have are a bunch of godly women with horror stories. Too many Christian men are passive, scared, confused, risk-averse, selfish, self-focused, etc. We are all like that, but too many men are not killing those sins.

What did you learn growing up about this nightmare that is Christian dating? Any particular influences? How have your views changed over time?

I was terrified of girls through middle school and high school and into early college years. Never went on a date. I danced with a girl at a middle school dance. Horrible.

I grew up in the church but received little to no instruction about dating other than: don’t have sex, don’t think about sex, and good heavens don’t talk about sex. Other than that, I knew I should marry a Christian, because it would ruin my life if I didn’t. But, how to do that? No clue.

In college I relied on women for emotional connection instead of the dudes in my life. So, in a sense, I emotionally dated them. This led to a bunch of friendships that are mostly non-existent now, and some ending poorly.

I started dating after college and swung on the pendulum from essentially having no direction or clear intentions, to at times being super rigid and calculated in pursuing women. Yikes. I’ve been at both ends and neither worked well.

Biggest influences have been numerous books, particularly a book edited by Alex Chediak (five views on dating, or something like that). [Laura's note: the book our anonymous friend is referring to, the Google tells me, is actually called 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life and it's available here.] And a series of articles by Scott Croft on biblical dating.

How many girls do you think you’ve asked out in your life? Estimate, maybe not counting elementary school. Unless you were like the smoothest third grader ever.

Around 17. In third grade I was too busy playing video games. Unfortunately the same was true in college.

Speaking of smooth, how do you feel about this “alpha”/pickup artist stuff? I assume you’re favorable since you’re so alpha, but do you think guys can be non-alphas and still be successful?

Sure. My go-to pickup line was, “Hey, I’ve had fun hanging out, can I take you on a date?” Women don’t want BS pickup lines. They want direct, clear intentions. Simple. If a woman doesn’t want that, well, she needs to grow up and get a clue, and you don’t want to date her anyway.

I think a more reserved dude could go that route without freaking out too much about it. Just keep it simple.

What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome in this dumb dating arena? It would be super-cool if it was an ACTUAL obstacle (climbing wall, one of those rope things where you have to swing from one to the next, etc.), but, like psychological or emotional, whichever one of those makes you feel more manly.

Selfishness. Primarily in the sense of thinking of myself before others, particularly women. So, I would avoid all potential risk on my end, for example.

What’s your biggest advantage in this area? You don’t have to be humble, it’s fine.

Besides my good looks and big muscles? Awkwardness. I’m cool with it and embrace it. Life is going to be weird and awkward and strange, get used to it. At least with dating. Facing it head on by embracing it and acknowledging it can actually be a very freeing thing in the context of dating.

Come back tomorrow for part two of this series, in which Anonymous Dude puts on his superhero cape and gives advice to both ladies and gents.

What I’m Reading Wednesday

Here’s the sitch: Millions of federal dollars each year go to subsidize the cost of certain American agricultural products, ostensibly so producers can make more money while charging consumers less. Meanwhile, agribusiness lobbying agencies squeeze out small family farms and launch huge marketing campaigns with their millions, to persuade Americans that cows pumped full of hormones, steroids, and antibiotics, and fed a diet their bodies weren’t designed to process, give milk that’s healthy, safe, and natural after being cooked. But they also want you to believe that cows raised naturally on pesticide-free pasture land give milk that WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN if it’s not cooked. Despite modern sanitation and refrigeration, despite scrupulous testing processes, despite the absence of widespread harm done to consumers by real milk, and despite the many “approved” big-ag products that actually have killed or sickened many Americans (including pasteurized dairy products), the FDA and most state regulatory agencies would have you believe that uncooked milk in its freshest state is as dangerous now as it sometimes was in the days before refrigeration and modern sanitation practices. NOW. That’s the long way around the barn to say, read this article. And if you’re convinced that consumers should be able to choose to purchase and consume milk in its natural form, check out your state’s Real Milk providers or advocacy groups.

No long intro on this one: a thought-provoking article on what “bad art” says about the Good.

Another one from The Gospel Coalition, this one by Thabiti Anyabwile whose blog you definitely need to be reading. Think that the Word-of-Faith/Prosperity movement is really not so bad? Or have friends and family involved in WoF/Prosperity churches? Read this article for just one of countless stories of the very real damage this heretical doctrine causes.

This account of Eric Metaxas’s electrifying address at the National Prayer Breakfast gave me chills. Here’s World Magazine’s take on it, and Metaxas’s own summary on his blog. Dear Eric Metaxas, <3 u.

This article really nails my discomfort with the ubiquitous Pink Ribbon brand identity and how it’s trivialized the scourge of breast cancer.

Now, in memory of one of the greatest voices of all time, a woman with a deeply troubled life, especially in her final years, a couple of my favorite tunes by the inimitable Whitney Houston:

And:

Downton Abbey 2.6

ESPECIALLY, ESPECIALLY GO AWAY if you haven’t seen THIS one yet, good GRIEF.

OK, this was a TWO-HOUR episode, so forgive me if I have to skim pretty lightly over a few things. War’s over, Matthew’s feeling tingles in his lower regions (ahem, I meant his LEGS, you perv), Lord G’s getting a little too share-y with Jane, Lady G is being horrid, Sir Richard is still a [naughty word redacted], Sybil and Branson are still involved in the least-compelling romance ever, and I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SPANISH FLU, HA.

Since it was such an emotional episode, we’re just going to go with pure emotion to “organize” this.

STUFF I WAS RELIEVED ABOUT: Bates and Anna, finally, for crying out loud, got married. This is another handy plot device since now everything he’s ever said to her is inadmissible in court — and as far as I know, she can’t even be called to testify. Ethel decides NOT to give up her baby to that awful bully even if Charlie IS his grandson. And oh goodness, in a house where the secrets are so layered that the layers have layers, it was so great that Anna went immediately to Carson and tattled on Sir [Nickname Redacted] AND that Violet had a very firm (and surprisingly tender-hearted and open) sit-down chat with Matthew, and just outright told him that Mary was in love with him Hoorah! AND, FINALLY AGAIN, Isobel actually wept for joy over THE OTHER THING I PREDICTED, HA!

Obviously, the huge reveal this episode was that Matthew can walk, just with a cane for the moment, but still. Duh. Of course he can. But the other big deal was that LORD GRANTHAM SHOOK BRANSON’S HAND!

Stuff I was delighted with: O’Brien. Is she softening at last? Sybil and Branson also — just for growing up a bit, and making plans and following through with them. You’ve got to respect their refusal to be blackballed from the family, and their persistence in turning everyone’s objections back on them! No money? Fine, your choice. No visits? Stupid, but again, your choice. And in the end, even Violet came around!

STUFF I WAS ANGSTY ABOUT (but understood): Man, people were wigging out about Lord G’s little tryst with Jane, which he cut off. Not cool, kissing a housemaid, and there’s no excuse, but it’s not totally not-understandable, when stupid Cora kept being snippy and dismissive and pompous and nasty. And he did give her up, and reconciled with Cora. So I think it’s safe to file this under “foolish” rather than “catastrophic.”

The whole deal with Edith and Mary chasing Sybil and Branson down was equal parts angsty and HILARIOUS. I wish it’d had plonky music from a silent film under it instead of dramatic strings — “They won’t expect us to be in pursuit until the morning!” Hand me my magnifying glass and my moustache wax — just there, behind the dramatic cape and deerstalker hat — and we’ll set off to solve the Mystery of the Missing Heiress, what ho! And then bursting into the hotel room! And Mary telling Branson to pipe down! HA! I was nervous that Sybil would tell Mary where to shove it and run off with Branson just to spite her family, but gosh, isn’t Mary so blinking reasonable these days, and she was absolutely right that running off in the night made it look all wrong.

Stuff I’m a bit annoyed by: Thomas. Hmmm… Schemer. Is he for real? Did the Black Market Grocery Debacle finally set him straight? Or is he just angling for Carson’s job, or more likely Carson’s keys to the silver pantry? Good grief. I don’t see Thomas doing well in prison. And also DAISY. UGH. Look, just TELL William’s father that you married him as a kindness and because it was his last wish, not because you were in love with him, but that you did care about him in your own way and don’t want to dishonor his memory by pretending to be a heartbroken widow. All this whiny protestation is wearing me out.

STUFF I AM JUST STRAIGHT UP ANGSTY ABOUT: Mary and Matthew, dancing! And kissing! And Lavinia SAW THEM OH NOES, and then broke off their engagement and then she DIED! And Sir Richard is trying to spy on Mary and he’s still such a jerk and he needs to go away! And Bates got arrested for EVIL VERA’s death! And Matthew is so blasted hurt and guilt-ridden that he’s lashing out at Mary! And AUGH!

Next week’s the Christmas special, and hallelujah I don’t have school the day after because it’s ANOTHER two-hour episode! So excited! Too many exclamation points!

Technical Difficulties

Hey sorry, y’all, due to some technical difficulties (i.e., crazy scheduling conflicts), today’s scheduled post will be AWESOME but not published until Thursday (and Friday!) — sorry for the delay.

In the meantime, rock out with a little vintage Whitney Houston — in memory of one of the greatest voices of her generation (gratuitous 80s sax solo!):