What Do You Think?

Interviewer: Something we’ve noticed among single men is that there is no urgency to marry — they’re not worried that someone else will come and snatch up this great catch they found. What is the lack of urgency from?

Dr. Scott Stanley: I think it has to do with a resistance to “moving across the line.” When males cross the line, there is a huge step up in their sense of identity about the commitment and their level of responsibility. So essentially, there’s a resistance to crossing the line. Because right now, men can get so much of what they want without crossing it, and they only see increased responsibility from crossing it — “why would I be in a rush to do that?” In the meantime, they are often treating women in a way that diminishes their value even while they hang on to all their power and choice.

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5 thoughts on “What Do You Think?

  1. What about the underlying attitude, Jonny? For instance, do you feel that there will be a massive step up in terms of your responsibility and general “adulthood” once you do marry? Or what about the young men in your church — are they still living like adolescents or do they strive for maturity even if that means getting a dull job?

  2. That is a trick question, and sounds more like a essay topic. Our whole church is now on facebook, how adult is that? But most have put some effort into finding their job in the church.

    There is a massive difference in attitude between the Christian church and the general public here. My non-christian friends are happy to live with their girlfriend untill the love fades and have no reason to marry.

    My christian friends are very keen to marry after only a short time from meeting the right girl. And they seam happy to take on the resposibility of marriage and children. I just went on the Focus MYC where there was a optional talk on marriage and children. The room was half full of girls (of course), but there were as many guys (most single and fairly young) who were just as keen to learn of these things.

  3. That's pretty awesome. Totally NOT the case at Sojourn, which makes me a little crabby. I still tend to perceive married people as more mature and responsible than single people just in general — part of that I know is an issue in my own heart, but part of it is based in reality. Anyway, thanks for your lovely long response.

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