Last night, my lovely friend Kristen and I went to see The Other Boleyn Girl, which promised to be a tepid historical soap opera with great costumes. It lived up to my expectations. I ogled Eric Bana, wished Kristen Scott-Thomas had more screen time, contemplated getting collagen injections in my lips, silently cursed the cinematographer, etc. It had its moments (mostly involving George, the amiable Boleyn brother, and Kristen Scott-Thomas, who never makes a mistake on any screen, ever), but all in all was nothing more than a moderately sordid brocade-bodice-ripper with historically important babies.
That being said… Best. Audience. Ever. Here’s why:
SPOILERS BELOW (Although, this being an “historical” movie, you might know about all this stuff anyway. Mulligan.)
SPOILER-ADJACENT THINGS BELOW:
Anne Boleyn, recently married to the recently-annulled Henry VIII, has called her brother and sister to her room after she has miscarried, and, suddenly realizing that her only value to England is reproductive, is in hysterics. Mary (Scarlett Johansson, looking aggrieved-and-sultry instead of just sultry) and George try to console her. Then, scheming to find a new babydaddy outside the marriage bed to keep Henry in the dark, Anne looks meaningfully at her brother. Long pause. Cue dramatic, fraught music.
And then, from the audience, continuously: “Augh! No! Sick! WHAT? No! Don’t do it! EW! Are you kidding me? No! That is so wrong! What? Stop! Seriously, stop! Don’t! Ugh!”
MARY: May God have mercy on you both!
AUDIENCE: You tell ’em! For reals! That’s nasty. AUGH! No! Don’t do it! Stop it! Stop!
GEORGE’S WIFE, hiding in the shadows: *cries*
AUDIENCE: Ohhhh, no. Ohhhh, no. She’s gonna… that is his wife. Oh, Lord.
ANNE: I can’t! I can’t!
AUDIENCE: *massive sigh of relief* OhthankGod.
It was awesome. The moral of the story is, if you’re going to see a movie that’s probably going to be bad, then at least try to get a good crowd.