(Not much organization here, peeps — just a collection of musings.)
I think, worry, and obsess way too much about what other people think of me. In the first several days of my Facebook-free Lent I had far too many moments of, “Oh, man, I wish I could use that as my status update. Bummer.” Which of course is all about pride — wanting people to think I’m smart and clever and funny.
My first impulse in too many situations is to cling to other people rather than looking to Jesus. I mentioned early on in this little experiment that I was learning to pray first rather than write on someone’s wall or even pick up the phone.
That surprised me a little — that the stuff I was learning by giving up Facebook weren’t just impacting my online relationships. I talked with my best friend Kelsey a few days ago about the fact that it’s unloving for me to depend on her more than I depend on my loving Father. Picking up the phone to call her (or my mom, or a friend, or whoever) ten seconds after I experience a moment of sadness or anxiety or fear — that’s giving too much weight to my deceptive, fickle emotions, and not giving enough credit to my Father, who has told me to cast all my cares on him.
Now that’s not to say that I don’t value and cherish the friendships the Lord has given me. I do. I believe that the folks in my community group and my precious family and my dear friends both near and far are gifts from the Lord. They can be Jesus to me when I’m hurting or anxious or confused. But I find myself far too quick to dump my “issues” on other people instead of dealing with them before the Lord.
I’ll talk a bit later on about how my online time looks different now after this little adventure. Lord willing, it’ll be a permanent change for the better.