Today, our intrepid Anonymous Dude guides us through his murky past and shakes his head in dismay about the State of Things. Read and enjoy!
So, tell me about yourself. VAGUELY.
I am a man. A real man.
Current relationship status?
Going steady with a wonderful, godly woman.
Dude, what is UP with the Christian dating scene? Seriously. Diagnose.
Whenever you append “Christian” to anything, it’s guaranteed to make that thing a weird disaster. Christian music, Christian fiction, Christian movies. Same thing with Christian dating.
But, seriously, the problem is the men. You could have a ton of godly women, but if there are nothing but knucklehead guys, then all you have are a bunch of godly women with horror stories. Too many Christian men are passive, scared, confused, risk-averse, selfish, self-focused, etc. We are all like that, but too many men are not killing those sins.
What did you learn growing up about this nightmare that is Christian dating? Any particular influences? How have your views changed over time?
I was terrified of girls through middle school and high school and into early college years. Never went on a date. I danced with a girl at a middle school dance. Horrible.
I grew up in the church but received little to no instruction about dating other than: don’t have sex, don’t think about sex, and good heavens don’t talk about sex. Other than that, I knew I should marry a Christian, because it would ruin my life if I didn’t. But, how to do that? No clue.
In college I relied on women for emotional connection instead of the dudes in my life. So, in a sense, I emotionally dated them. This led to a bunch of friendships that are mostly non-existent now, and some ending poorly.
I started dating after college and swung on the pendulum from essentially having no direction or clear intentions, to at times being super rigid and calculated in pursuing women. Yikes. I’ve been at both ends and neither worked well.
Biggest influences have been numerous books, particularly a book edited by Alex Chediak (five views on dating, or something like that). [Laura’s note: the book our anonymous friend is referring to, the Google tells me, is actually called 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life and it’s available here.] And a series of articles by Scott Croft on biblical dating.
How many girls do you think you’ve asked out in your life? Estimate, maybe not counting elementary school. Unless you were like the smoothest third grader ever.
Around 17. In third grade I was too busy playing video games. Unfortunately the same was true in college.
Speaking of smooth, how do you feel about this “alpha”/pickup artist stuff? I assume you’re favorable since you’re so alpha, but do you think guys can be non-alphas and still be successful?
Sure. My go-to pickup line was, “Hey, I’ve had fun hanging out, can I take you on a date?” Women don’t want BS pickup lines. They want direct, clear intentions. Simple. If a woman doesn’t want that, well, she needs to grow up and get a clue, and you don’t want to date her anyway.
I think a more reserved dude could go that route without freaking out too much about it. Just keep it simple.
What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome in this dumb dating arena? It would be super-cool if it was an ACTUAL obstacle (climbing wall, one of those rope things where you have to swing from one to the next, etc.), but, like psychological or emotional, whichever one of those makes you feel more manly.
Selfishness. Primarily in the sense of thinking of myself before others, particularly women. So, I would avoid all potential risk on my end, for example.
What’s your biggest advantage in this area? You don’t have to be humble, it’s fine.
Besides my good looks and big muscles? Awkwardness. I’m cool with it and embrace it. Life is going to be weird and awkward and strange, get used to it. At least with dating. Facing it head on by embracing it and acknowledging it can actually be a very freeing thing in the context of dating.
Come back tomorrow for part two of this series, in which Anonymous Dude puts on his superhero cape and gives advice to both ladies and gents.