How to Be Awesome Interview 1.2

Read and learn as Anonymous Dude lets us in on the mysteries of a guy’s dating decision-making process, and throws down some advice for his bros.

How do you decide to ask a girl out? Do you just see her and do that cartoon Aaa-OOO-gah thing and go, “I need to ask her out like whoa”? Or is there more to it than that? Many girls think it’s “like whoa” and that’s it.

That’s probably 90% of it at first. I asked my girlfriend out two days after meeting her. We had only had a couple conversations, but I heard great things about her from friends I trusted, and she is ridiculously good looking, so I was thinking, “I need to ask this girl out before someone else does!”

The problem is, most guys want to know everything about a girl before asking her out. So they will facebook stalk her (which I think can be a good thing in a very limited way), hang around her in social situations, and basically do everything but ask her on a date.

What’s the lamest response you’ve ever gotten from a girl you asked out? Best?

“No.” That was lame.

Best? Probably from my girlfriend (yeah, I know, cheesy, sorry). I almost apologetically said, “This might be out of the blue, but can I take you out?” She smiled and said that would be great. That’s been the best so far.

Typical first-date strategy?

Ask her lots of general get-to-know-you-but-not-creep-you-out questions. Pay for everything. Tell bad jokes (i.e. cheesy, not offensive). Open doors. Chew with my mouth closed. Shower that day.

Toughest DTR? Awesomest DTR? (Yes, I am aware that “awesomest” is not a word.)

Toughest? Over the phone. That was dumb. Awesomest? Again, with my girlfriend. I told her after a few dates, “So, I just want to be clear, and I’m guessing you aren’t hanging out with other dudes like this, because I’m not hanging out with other girls like this?” She said, “Well, not on the same days.” Fortunately she was joking.

What do you think you did well when it comes to starting the relationship you’re in right now? What do you wish you’d done differently?

I was clear, very direct, and to the point, but not too weird and creepy. I think. I brought up early on what I wanted the relationship to look like. Basically, that it was for the purpose of moving toward making a decision about marriage. I also around that time clarified what was going to happen, and more importantly, not happen, physically in our relationship. That helped her a ton, because she didn’t have to wonder where things were going and what that would look like.

Although I’m happy with how things have gone and the pace it is going now, I wish I had slowed that down a bit early on. Not necessarily those conversations, but just overall time spent in the first month. We spent a lot of time together, which was great, but I think it might have been more wise to stretch that out a bit over time.

Advice for getting over it when a girl turns you down or dumps your sorry behind? Besides journaling and destroying a pint of rocky road while watching Fatal Attraction, obvi. Other general advice for dudes?

Beer. Go drink some good beer with some good friends that will speak truth to you in love.

Ask those dudes, honestly, if there is any major character or life issues you should work on, perhaps relating to why you got shot down. I’ve done this with some dudes that know me well and has been helpful in opening up honest conversation. That, and just talk with the Lord about it. Are you ticked off, confused, scared, whatever? Tell him about it. Ask him to change you and help you grow.

Then, good grief, man up and get over it. I get it. Your feelings are hurt. Your heart hurts. Ok. How would your WWII veteran grandpa handle this? Yeah, you’re right, he wouldn’t be pouting like a baby. Neither should you.

Advice for the ladies on how not to be a b-word when saying no thanks? Other general advice for ladies?

Affirm him for asking. Say you are flattered. Clearly state you would just like to be friends. Thank him. Shut up.

Biggest mistake you think people make in this area?

Dating in general? Not to over-spiritualize it, but they don’t focus on the gospel. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. It is a gospel image, just like we are images of God. Dating should take its shape from that as well. The gospel frees us to be selfless, not selfish. When a dude really believes the gospel, he will sacrifice for others. He will put the risk on himself and not the girl. He can handle rejection. He will ask himself, “How can I serve this person,” not, “How can they serve me?” I could go on and on. But I really think taking the gospel out of the center of dating just wrecks everything.

That was so awesome I want everyone to read it again.

Dating in general? Not to over-spiritualize it, but they don’t focus on the gospel. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. It is a gospel image, just like we are images of God. Dating should take its shape from that as well. The gospel frees us to be selfless, not selfish. When a dude really believes the gospel, he will sacrifice for others. He will put the risk on himself and not the girl. He can handle rejection. He will ask himself, “How can I serve this person,” not, “How can they serve me?” I could go on and on. But I really think taking the gospel out of the center of dating just wrecks everything.

Any final thoughts?

Dudes: get a real job, get in community, start serving in your church, and start asking godly women out. Stop making excuses and just start asking them out. If you do that in a clear, respectful way, you will gain a reputation of a legit dude. Trust me.

Ladies: give a guy a shot, at least once, if he asks you out. You don’t have to marry him. Don’t settle for passive, confusing guys. Tell them to grow up. Don’t read Jane Austen for your dream man. Read Cormac McCarthy and wake up about real life. Then read about Jesus and look for a dude that wants to be like him.

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3 thoughts on “How to Be Awesome Interview 1.2

  1. “Then, good grief, man up and get over it. I get it. Your feelings are hurt. Your heart hurts. Ok. How would your WWII veteran grandpa handle this? Yeah, you’re right, he wouldn’t be pouting like a baby. Neither should you.” Best advice I’ve seen on the subject of being turned down, Anonymous Dude, nicely done. If I were short on time, I’d distill it down to: Hey pal, slap a bandaid on your broken heart and move on!

    One minor quibble. As someone who has read all of Jane Austen’s novels (more than once each) I can say that there are a few guys there worth emulating, starting with Henry Tilney at the top of the list. He’s the guy we’d all like to have as a roommate in college, and we wouldn’t be afraid of him ever meeting our little sister.

    Tim

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