How To Be Awesome, 2.2

In today’s installment, Anonymous Engaged Dude talks basketball, football, the DTR, and strategy.

When you were still single, how did you decide to ask a girl out? Did you just see her and do that cartoon aaa-OOO-gah thing and go, “I need to ask her out like whoa”? Or is there more to it than that?

It really was different, person to person. Usually, I pursued girls that I had gotten to know over time. A few times though, my careful game plans were scrapped in favor of an audible: BLITZ!

What’s the lamest response you’ve ever gotten from a girl you asked out?

“I’m not over a previous relationship.” If basketball has taught us anything, it’s that there’s nothing wrong with a rebound. Just take it to the basket!

Typical first-date strategy?

Food + outing with lots of conversation. Keep it fun, playful, and not too romantic.

Awesomest DTR? (Yes, I am aware that “awesomest” is not a word.)

The awesomest, of course, would be the one that led me to now. We met on a blind date, so we were doing the whole get to know you thing. But around date/hang-out three or four, things really started to click. We really liked each other! But, we had thought we should take twice as long to define things. I met her at a coffee shop and said something to the effect of, “I know we said we would take longer to define this, but we’re pretty much already dating.” So we just made it official.

What do you think you did well when it comes to starting the relationship you’re in right now? What do you wish you’d done differently? Tell a little of the story, if you like.

I asked my fiancée this question, as I felt her response would be the most accurate. In terms of what I did well, she appreciated my directness and sincerity. She felt safe with me and knew that I wasn’t just playing games. Regarding what should have been done differently, in the moment, things felt like they were moving a bit too fast — she doesn’t mind that now, though. However, we definitely took physical affection too fast. I held her hand before we had clearly defined things and we kissed way too soon. If I could do things over, I wouldn’t have kissed her until after engagement.

I’m thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness, not to mention her grace and forgiveness.

Advice for dudes when a girl turns him down or breaks up with him? Besides journaling and destroying a pint of rocky road while watching Fatal Attraction, obvi. Other general advice for dudes?

Seek out your bros.

God made us for community, and one of the reasons break-ups hurt is because of that separation from community. I advise both not taking things too seriously and seriously seeking the Lord. Remind yourself of who you are. You’re going to need brothers to preach the Gospel to you. Seek them out! But in terms of being turned down for a date or second date, just brush it off and move on!

Advice for the ladies on how not to be a b-word when saying no thanks? Other general advice for ladies?

The easiest way not to be a b-word is… not to be a b-word. Seriously. Just be respectful and honest. You don’t need to over-share or give a long detailed argument as to why you shouldn’t go out.

However, I would encourage sisters to give a brother a chance. Is he really so unpleasant that you wouldn’t eat a free meal with him? If so, don’t go out with him! If not, give it a shot. A mentor of mine once gave his rubric for dating: 1) Does he love Jesus? 2) Do you think he’s hot [Laura’s note: or at least not not-hot]? If yes to both, go for it.

Biggest mistake you think people make in this area?

I think guys and girls are looking for more perfection in a potential mate than they would care to admit. You’re not going to find a perfect person, so stop trying.

Any final thoughts?

You’re going to marry a sinner/saint/sufferer. Don’t be afraid of hard conversations or difficult situations. Men: there are too many awesome godly women out there who are waiting to be pursued by a noble man. What are you waiting for? Women: he’s a sinner, and the only perfect leader is Christ. Give him a chance, but don’t forget, you’re under the authority of Christ, not a boyfriend.


One thought on “How To Be Awesome, 2.2

  1. Engaged Dude, this is one of the best lines I’ve read in a long time: “I advise both not taking things too seriously and seriously seeking the Lord.” That goes for just about anything, not just dating, doesn’t it?

    And about DTRs. I found out they’re not just for dating. Last weekend our son brought some friends home from college. Apparently one of the young women was taken aback by our family dynamics: we joke with our son, sit around the table to talk with him and his friends after dinner, hang out watching TV or going shopping with them, and generally pay attention to him and them. This was not how her own family operates, and our son later told us it started her thinking that perhaps there’s a different way for her family to function. I asked, “So you mean DTR might apply to familes too?” “Yep.”

    Decades ago when I was dating, we didn’t have DTRs. I think it’s an improvement.

    Laura, thanks for giving these two Awesome Dudes space on your site. With my son and daughter both in college, it helps a lot to get some insight on the types of thiings they and their friends are dealing with. Won’t my kids be surprised at my newfound insights and wisdom!


    P.S. Have you ever checked out Rachel Stone’s Eat with Joy blog? She just posted a guest article I wrote about God’s grace and taste buds.

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